Many times I’ve asked myself and wondered why I keep my world so small? Why is my contact with other lives kept at the bare minimal?
What am I so afraid of?
Why is my space just so small? I admit now that it really isn’t the best way to live.
I’ve always given the excuse that my mind occupies the biggest space in my life as well as my body, that it doesn’t allow me to live through other significant parts but even now I can feel the walls closing in on my mind and it’s the most disturbing feeling.
I had to ask am I really living or merely existing?
The only steady change I’ve felt for a while is in my mood…every other thing feels and remains the same. That is completely unacceptable because i’m an ardent supporter of growth and change.
I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m not satisfied. I’m not satisfied with the quality of life I’ve lived. I’m not satisfied with the number of goals I’ve set for my self or should I say the methods in which I’ve been trying to achieve them. You shouldn’t either.
It’s time for a change. Life is all about experiences and guess what, you don’t get to pick the ones you feel safe or comfortable experiencing…this strongly applies to those who live in a box like me. Darling you have to experience all the craziness or nothing at all.
So you suck at playing basketball? That shouldn’t stop you from playing.
You made a mistake? Simply try and make a right.
You don’t feel like going to work? Go anyways…not because you get paid in the end but because although it’s the same tedious work and boring environment, it’s a brand new day and that’s promising enough!
You study medicine and it really depresses you? What greater signal do you need that it’s not what you should be doing? Life is all about discovering your purpose and finding where you rightly belong in the world (that is the place you can make the most significant impact)…the sooner you try to find what that is the better.
Don’t ever watch your life pass you by. Instead strike a deal with life and see which of you would end up surprising the other most.
Now the truth is I’ve tried to experience new things; things i was hoping would bring about this ‘change’ I want (some I’m yet to debut in my #first series) but I found that they are all new things I’m comfortable experiencing…so they still fit within the small bracket I’ve kept myself in. That’s not change…so yes I’m doing something but it’s not the right thing. It’s not the big things. They are not things that will make me step out of my comfort zone.
I didn’t realise it until now but the decision to study law is something out of my comfort zone. An example of me stepping out of my comfort zone would be me volunteering to present in front of over 500 feisty Nigerian law school students who are ready to bury me with their endless questions. Surviving that would be a change. Change is not reading a 400 page book on why E=mc2….I’m not even joking i did. Yes, reading such a book (particular a math equation) is new for me but it’s still within my bracket. For me reading that is small change; for someone else it may not be small. For me ‘volunteering’ to present in front of hundreds of students is big change, for someone else it isn’t.
I think my point is clear. Change is not a general idea it’s very specific to yourself. You know yourself. You know what you don’t like and what you do like. Try or should I say force yourself to do more of both. If anything it’s better than just being ideal…sitting at the same level. A beautiful thing about us humans is that we always want a way forward…something better for ourselves. Even the laziest human being (in his mind) wants to initiate some change.
I’ve heard many times that money is what prevents most people from doing what they want, change isn’t very affordable you see. However, a very special human being is pushing all boundaries in his life and teaching me that the absence/issue of money shouldn’t stop you from pursuing your dreams or making that change. The fact or knowledge that there is no money shouldn’t discourage you. Also, the fact that there’s money doesn’t guarantee that that dream of yours will be a success or the change will be positive for you….how many investments have failed? How many presentations have gone woefully wrong?
The key thing you need is prayer. Nothing is truly successful without prayer. Get on your praying mat and pray to Allah to make a way for you wherever there isn’t and In Sha Allah he will. I believe He will.
The money will come. The opportunity will come. The drive inside you will grow stronger. ‘Change’ will be inevitable however small or big the venture is or easy or hard the task is.
So I call on all Hasiya-likes to expand their space…widen your territory….push those walls that appear like they can’t be pushed….test new waters….It’s not until you do that you start to truly live.
Have a beautiful week xx
See you in my next post In sha Allah!