Have you ever read the beautiful poem The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost?

I still remember the first time I read it in my Literature class in High School. I had read hundreds of books before then and considered myself well-read for my age, but I was still a novice in the poetry world and was navigating unfamiliar terrain. Nothing prepared me for the emotional wave that poem brought. For the first time, I understood what it meant for a piece of writing to mirror one’s soul…to articulate your innermost thoughts and emotions so precisely it felt as though the writer reached into your heart and gave your feelings a voice.

That day, I fought back tears and didn’t want to alarm my peers and teacher. That day, I fell in love with reading all over again.

If you’re familiar with the poem, you might wonder why it touched me so deeply.

You see, if I could name the chapter of my life I was living back then, it would be ‘Dilemma’. My inner world was in disarray, and I had a lot of inner conflict. I was facing decisions I wasn’t ready for…decisions that felt bigger than me, and it was overwhelming because I didn’t have the answer or know what the right path was, I had no way of peeking into the future to decide the best course of action. So, when I read Frost’s words about standing at a fork in the woods, unsure of which road to take, I saw myself. His words felt like my own journal entries. It was as though someone born in 1874 and gone long before my own parents were even born had somehow reached out and seen me. Whether or not I would have made the same choice with Frost in the poem is a different story altogether, but I learned something crucial that day.

There will be moments in your life when you’re faced with a choice, one that, once made, cannot be undone. A decision that could alter the course of your life forever, and that realization terrified me to my core. The idea that a single decision could ripple across your future in ways you’ll never predict. It was then I became acutely aware of life’s gravity and the importance of treading carefully when navigating such turning points.

Allah has gifted us with a tremendous ability; the power of free will. We have agency over our lives. We are allowed to choose…to act, to believe, to live life as we see fit but that freedom comes with weighty responsibility. Life as you and I know it is a continuous learning curve. Every day we are met with choices, some of these choices are so clear that we don’t even need to think twice before deciding. In those moments, the path feels obvious and it’s easy for us to decipher what’s right from wrong. But not all choices are easy. Sometimes, we are faced with decisions that feel heavy and unclear, where no matter how hard we try, we can’t seem to tell what’s right, what’s wrong, or what’s truly best for us.

What do you do when you genuinely don’t have the answers? When you can’t tell what’s right or wrong, or which path is best for you? When both paths seem murky or equally appealing? It’s a jarring transition, that for a long period of your life, your parents were the ones making the difficult decisions on your behalf, and then almost without warning, the responsibility shifts. Suddenly, it’s your turn. You’re the one holding the reins, standing at a crossroads with a choice only you can make. Do you want to hear the bitter truth? Sometimes, life doesn’t wait for your certainty. Everyone will at some point have life corner them, and it will feel like your back has been pushed against a wall and there’s no place for you to run or hide, and you will be forced to make a choice whether you like it or not. You can delay, stall, overthink, and postpone it for as long as you want, but eventually, a decision must be made, and that decision will demand your courage even if all you feel is fear.

While human beings are arguably the most intelligent of Allah’s creations, we are also deeply limited in our knowledge. Our knowledge, vast as it may seem, is ultimately incomplete. There are realms we simply cannot access, and the future is one of them. At best, we predict. But Allah? He knows. We can make educated guesses, build models, and study trends but no matter how advanced our tools or how thorough our research, we will never truly know how certain events will unfold. In those moments, we are nothing more than spectators watching life play out in ways only Allah could have foreseen.

As you’ve probably gathered by now, today I want to talk about the hard and sometimes terrifying choices we all have to face. What do we do when we’re confronted with a decision that feels too big for us? When we’re unsure, unprepared, or simply don’t know enough to choose wisely? Has Allah really left us to roll the dice on our own lives…to navigate blindly through adversity, ignorance, and uncertainty? Are we just meant to stumble through life, hoping we get it right, with no real guidance? Have we been left alone to our own devices to succeed by luck or fail by fate?

Absolutely not.

Alhamdulillah for Islam

Alhamdulilah for guidance.

Alhamdulillah for salatul Istikhara.

In Surah Ar-Rahman, Allah (SWT) asks:

فَبِأَيِّ آلَاءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ

Then which of your Lord’s favours will you (humans and jinn’) both deny?

One of the greatest favours Allah has bestowed upon us that I cannot deny and I loudly and publicly proclaim is salatul Isikhara…the powerful prayer of guidance that everyone should have in their arsenal, especially when navigating life’s most difficult decisions.

Istikhara has been my lifeline. It has saved me from regret, protected my heart, and guided me to blessings I didn’t even know how to ask for. A few months ago, I came across an Instagram post that read ‘tell the difficult decision, there is istikhara‘. Those words struck a deep chord. They captured, in one simple sentence, the kind of relationship I’ve built with this prayer over the years; one that now borders on dependence. I genuinely cannot make any major life decision without praying Istikhara first. When I saw that post, I shared it on my story and left a comment. What I didn’t expect were the flood of DMs, questions, and reflections from others who either didn’t know how to pray it, had misunderstood it, or were simply seeking reassurance that Allah still hears them. That moment made it clear: I needed to write about this prayer…this life-saving gift that has shaped so much of my adult life. And to the lady who messaged me a couple of days ago to follow up on this particular post, and to anyone who’s been waiting, I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to share. But maybe, just maybe, Allah wanted you to read it now.

As always, I want to keep it real with you and share a few of my most personal experiences with Istikhara; those that I feel comfortable opening up about, and how each one was answered differently by Allah.

Let’s begin with the most common reason people turn to Istikhara: marriage.

Should I accept this marriage proposal? Is this the man I want to build a life with?

Should I seek her hand and make her my wife, the future mother of my children?

Is this person truly meant for me, both in this world and the next?

Marriage, as we all know, is not a light decision. It’s one of the most consequential choices a person will ever make. My understanding of its weight came not just from what I read in books or saw on TV, but from real-life examples: the beautiful marriages of the Prophet ﷺ and his wives, the lived reality of my parents’ marriage, and countless others I observed among friends, family, and community. From a very young age, I knew this decision mattered deeply and I wanted to get it right…desperately.

Thankfully, I began praying for my future spouse from as early as age nine. My mum, may Allah bless her, taught me to make the most of my childhood innocence and to raise my hands often in dua and ask Allah for all that I want because the sincere prayer of a pure heart, untouched by sin and the whispers of Shaytan, holds immense power. And I believed her with all my heart. She repeated it often to the point where it stuck and so…I prayed.

I would often wake up in the stillness of the night to pour my heart out to Allah, making long and earnest duas. Sometimes, I’d even laugh at the things I asked for. I remember once sitting down and writing out a list, yes, an actual list of everything I hoped for in a husband. Even the smallest details made it in. I vividly recall writing, “Ya Allah, I want him to have a beard.” Now that I think about it, I have no idea what happened to that list but as I matured, I updated it. I added qualities that reflected not just my values, but also my evolving hopes, fears, and even a few selfish desires. I kept refining the list until I reached a point where I felt I had covered everything: spiritual, emotional, and practical. And it was around that very time, when I felt the list was complete, that I met him, my husband, for the first time. Talk about the timing of Allah.

Until now, only my family knew this, but I’ll share it with you: my husband is what Christians would call a living testimony. He is a walking reminder to me that Allah hears. That He listens. That He responds to the quiet, heartfelt whispers we make when no one else is watching. He matched my dua in ways that were almost too precise to be coincidental. On paper, I knew he was the one I had been praying for all my life because he was the only one that ever ticked all the boxes and trust me, my standards were high but in my heart I believed Allah could make it happen for me. And He did. And yet…even with all that clarity, doubts still lingered. Because the fear of the unknown? It never really disappears. It stays in the background, testing your tawakkul. And asking: Do you really trust Allah?

There were other things going on in my life at the time that made it harder for me to fully acknowledge the truth staring me in the face, but Alhamdulillah for Allah’s mercy, for His guidance, for having the right people around me to advice me and for the prayer of Istikhara, which I truly believe was one of my saving graces. As we all know, no human is perfect. My husband and I are complete opposites; we were raised differently, shaped by different experiences and that difference made me deeply question whether we were truly compatible. Because love, as we’ve all learned, is not enough.

When choosing a life partner, you have to genuinely like the person, respect them, and accept them for who they are. You have to want them in your life, not because of status, convenience, or external expectations, but because of their love and fear of Allah. Your souls need to complement each other. You must share the same core values because without that alignment, even the strongest feelings can falter.

To paint a little picture of how my mind worked at the time, I saw marrying someone as constructing a house. I knew I had a solid foundation and the core things were covered with my future husband, but I needed to be convinced that I could build or erect a solid structure on this foundation (cause not all foundations are strong-it may apear strong at face value but when you conduct deeper research you discover that the quality of the cement used to build the foundation was poor and will degrade quickly or at worse it wasn’t even cement but sand that was molded to apear like cement). I needed to be sure that the house I was going to erect on that foundation would last and serve the test of time and I would not a few years down the line need serious renovations where I would have to tear down the entire building to rebuild again and again or in some cases get to a point where I needed to move houses and jump ship completely…cause it’s not just the foundation that is the issue but the surrounding environments and the insecurity within the home.

Many of the fears and doubts I had about my spouse weren’t rooted in red flags or concrete concerns. They were more like lingering “what ifs.” Questions that even my husband couldn’t answer because how could he? Only Allah could. So I turned to the only One who holds complete knowledge. I prayed Istikhara and supplicated to Al-‘Alīm, the All-Knowing. The One whose knowledge encompasses all things; seen and unseen, past, present, and future. The One who knows what is truly good or harmful for me, even when I don’t.

I prayed Istikhara many times. I cried many nights. I was desperate not because I doubted my husband’s intentions, but because I didn’t want to make a mistake or regret anything. I didn’t want to enter a marriage that would harm me, harm him or my future children, simply because we didn’t do our due diligence or worse, because we didn’t consult Allah deeply enough before taking such a huge step.

How did Allah answer my Istikhara prayer?

Of course, I didn’t have a dream of me marrying my husband or see a scene of both of us with our children chasing each other around a beautiful garden like a scene from a romantic movie. Nor did I finish praying and receive a thunderbolt from the sky. I didn’t witness any supernatural signs or dramatic confirmations. As a matter of fact, the doubts I had about marrying my husband did not reduce or go away up until after the day I got married and started to live with him and got to truly know him for who he was and who he wasn’t. But here’s what I can tell you with certainty: Allah facilitated everything between us with such ease. That was my answer. Our communication began to flourish. We grew in our understanding of one another, and there was a gentle unfolding of mutual acceptance. I slowly lowered the walls that had guarded my heart and allowed myself to be vulnerable with him, to express my fears openly and he met me with kindness, reassurance, and steady patience. That, for me, was more than enough. I won’t lie it also helped tremendously that everyone we consulted for background checks on him and his family had nothing but glowing things to say. It was all praise and let’s be honest that alone is a reassuring ‘sign’ anyone would welcome.

Do you want to hear the funny bit?

The day I decided to marry my husband (I’m not speaking of the day I literally got married and signed the nikkah contract), but the day I communicated to my father that I was all in. That day, I made peace with every possibility that could come from this decision…the joy, the unforeseen trials, the unknowns and to be clear, it wasn’t an “I’ll endure whatever this man brings”  kind of acceptance. No. It was a deep, intentional, “Whatever life throws at us, whatever unique tests come our way, I’ll stand by your side through it all and I’d still choose you in every lifetime.” The same fear and inner disturbance that once pushed me away from the idea of marrying him slowly transformed into a quiet surrender. Wallahi, I didn’t see it coming but that was the moment I knew: Allah had answered my prayers. I was convinced he was truly my husband, and marrying him was the best decision for me.

That day, I handed everything over to Allah my life, my happiness, my dreams, my future children, and both of our families. I placed it all in His hands with complete trust. I vividly remember one particular sujood in prayer where I whispered through tears,“Ya Allah, this fear of the unknown that’s crippling me and sabotaging my relationship with this man, it’s too heavy for me to carry. I’m tired. I’m placing it in Your hands, and I know You will do right by me, because no one else can.” And it was from that moment onward, I found peace. It was as though a weight had lifted from my chest I entrusted the security of our union to the One who never fails; Al-Hafeez, the Best of Protectors. On my wedding day, I danced like I never had before in my life because my heart was finally at ease.

Now, as I approach my seventh wedding anniversary, I can only say Alhamdulilah, for Allah’s mercy. For His guidance and for writing this beautiful chapter for me. Did I still have doubt when I first prayed Istikhara? Absolutely. But with each passing day, from that moment I made the decision to marry Him until the day I got married, and even after, the doubt faded gradually up until it was cleared from my mind and only conviction remained.

Another example of how Istikhara was answered differently in my life was during the period when my husband and I were deciding on a school for our firstborn.

We both take research seriously especially when it comes to our children. I threw myself into it: speaking to parents, consulting with teachers across various schools, comparing curriculums, and gathering as much information as I could. I compiled everything into a detailed document listing the pros and cons of each school we considered to be strong contenders; those we believed could offer our child the best foundation, both academically and spiritually. I visited several schools, and my husband accompanied me to a few. After a lot of back and forth, discussions, and careful deliberation, we eventually settled on a school we both felt confident about.

And when I say we were thorough, I mean it, I’m not exaggerating in the slightest. We researched nearly all the reputable schools in Abuja, from Islamic institutions to top-rated secular schools. I asked detailed questions at each school visit and made sure to observe not just the facilities, but the environment, the teachers, and the student culture. It was very easy to filter and prioritize the options based on the physical visits and the satisfaction of the responses we received from each school. I also took Ayman along with me to every school visit. It was important for me to see how he responded to each environment; how long it took him to warm up, whether he felt comfortable, and how naturally he blended in. That, too, became a key part of the selection process.

The evening my husband and I finally agreed on the school we liked, I suddenly remembered something important, something I had completely overlooked in all the research and planning.

Can you guess what it was?

Istikhara of course.

Despite all the school visits, conversations, and detailed analysis, my heart still felt a little unsettled. I wasn’t entirely sure we had made the best decision for our son. You can never be too sure and while most people pray Istikhara to ask Allah for guidance in making the right choice, I’ve come to love it for another reason as well: the peace and certainty it gives me. When I pray Istikhara, it feels like I’ve consulted the One who knows all, the One whose knowledge is complete, whose wisdom is flawless, and who loves me more than I could ever comprehend, and once I’ve done that, I can move forward with my decision, knowing that whatever unfolds afterward is part of His divine plan. So that night, I prayed Istikhara. Not because I hadn’t already done my due diligence but because I needed the reassurance that comes from involving Allah in our final decision. I asked Him to guide us if that school was truly the best option for our son. I prayed for the teachers he would learn from, the caregivers who would tend to him, and the friends and companions he would grow up around. I asked Allah to lead us to what would nourish not just his mind, but his character, his heart, and his faith.

I kid you not just a few hours after I made that Istikhara prayer, a school I had never heard of before popped up on my phone through Instagram. I’m pretty sure the algorithm picked up on my recent searches and activity but while Instagram had suggested other schools before, they were all familiar names; ones I had already researched or visited. But this particular school? It was completely new to me and the most surprising part? It had been around for over a decade. I was shocked. I thought I had uncovered every top school in Abuja based on all the research, recommendations, and visits and to top it off, this school was located very close to where we lived.

I clicked on the school’s profile, and something shifted in my heart, subhanAllah. I felt drawn to it immediately. It was risky, considering I knew absolutely nothing about it, but I had time to investigate. I quickly told my husband I wanted to check out just one more school before we finalized our decision and paid any fees. I didn’t waste time. I visited the school the very next day and from the moment I stepped in, I was impressed. The environment was clean and well-maintained, the facilities were excellent, and what truly stood out were the children. Every child I encountered was polite, respectful, and seemed genuinely happy to be there. It spoke volumes about the school culture. I also had the chance to meet and speak with the owner of the school…it was a lengthy conversation but she answered every question I had with honesty, clarity and patience. By the end of our conversation, I was convinced: this was where Ayman belonged. I remember telling her I was surprised I hadn’t discovered the school earlier. She laughed and told me she hears that all the time. In fact, some parents have admitted to her that they prefer it that way, fearing that if the school became too popular, its standards might slip. It was, without a doubt, a hidden gem.

I turned to observe Ayman, who was having the time of his life on the school playground and I should add this was the only school he cried at when it was time to leave. He didn’t want to go, he wanted to stay and keep playing. That alone spoke volumes to me. This was one of those rare moments where the answer to my Istikhara came quickly and clearly. I prayed again, this time with the new school as the preferred choice in mind, and it just felt right. I shared all the details with my husband, and he trusted my judgment. No new information surfaced to make either of us reconsider. I even went back to the school several times, and with each visit, my conviction deepened.

And now, all I can say is Alhamdulillah. Ayman is thriving. He’s doing excellently in his studies and gets along so well with his classmates, and he adores all of his teachers. Just a few days ago, he told me he wanted to go back to school and that September felt too far away. That kind of enthusiasm is a powerful, reassuring sign that we placed him in the right environment.

Another example of how Istikhara was answered differently in my life came during my pregnancy with our third child. For context, I had delivered our second son in Canada, and Alhamdulillah, the labour and delivery went as smoothly as I could have hoped. The care I received was exceptional and I had a wonderful labour and delivery team who were compassionate, skilled, and supportive. I’d recommend that hospital and those professionals to anyone planning to give birth in Canada.

So naturally, after we conceived our third son, my husband and many of our family members felt it would be best for me to return and deliver there again. It made perfect sense. The logic was sound but despite how ideal it seemed on paper, my heart felt otherwise. When the topic of giving birth in Canada again came up during my third pregnancy, I wasn’t keen on the idea at all, which, in hindsight, felt strange considering I had such a positive experience the last time. The part of me that resisted wasn’t the planner or the rational thinker…it was the mother.

I didn’t want to leave my two babies behind. Ayman was already in school, and I couldn’t bear the thought of pulling him out and disrupting his learning. Nuaym was just a little over a year old at the time, and the idea of being separated from him broke me. I cried a lot. Looking back now, I’m sure the pregnancy hormones played a role, but the emotional weight I carried during that time was very real. My heart and mind felt so heavy.

Yes, delivering in Canada made logical sense; given my health history and the challenges I faced with my first delivery, it seemed like the safest and most strategic choice. There were also the added benefits like citizenship. On paper, it was perfect. But in my heart, everything in me resisted it.

The internal battle over whether to try and convince my husband that I should stay and deliver in Nigeria kept me up at night. I eventually opened up to my husband and shared all my fears. He tried his best to reassure me that everything would be fine if I chose to deliver in Canada. That Nunu wouldn’t forget me. That the boys would be okay but as you probably know by now, I don’t take heavy decisions like this lightly.

So I wiped my tears in the middle of the night, got up, and waddled to the bathroom to perform ablution. I needed to pray Istikhara. Truthfully, I was scared of the answer. I feared it might be the very thing my heart wasn’t ready to accept but I prayed anyway. I needed Allah’s guidance. I needed peace to return to my heart.

I repeated the Istikhara prayer twice if I recall correctly and despite my lack of excitement, I decided to proceed with the plan to travel to Canada. This piece of information is very important because I think sometimes people assume that after praying Istikhara, you’re supposed to feel a complete emotional shift. That suddenly, your heart will change direction or that all your doubts will vanish.

But that’s not always the case. I wasn’t particularly happy with the idea of leaving my children behind. It broke me but logically, it still seemed like the best decision. So I prayed to Allah asking Him to guide me toward what would truly benefit me and my family the most, both in the short term and in the long run.

Then one night, I had a dream.

In it, I was at the airport, preparing to travel to Canada to give birth. Everything was going smoothly until it was time to board. As we approached immigration, I suddenly realized my passport was missing. I was sure I had it when I left the house, but now it was gone. We tried to explain the situation to the officers, hoping for a solution, but before anything could unfold… I woke up.

It was strange. Vivid. Unresolved.

Was it a sign? A response to my Istikhara?

Allahu A‘lam. Only Allah knows.

I didn’t interpret the dream with certainty because it could be a figment of my deepest hopes, but as a human I couldn’t completely ignore it either and not feel suspicious. It felt like a potential red flag, something that made me pause and reconsider…should we still proceed with this plan?

Well, we went ahead with the plan. We bought my flight tickets and even began shopping for some of the baby’s essentials, and arranged for them to be delivered to my sister-in-law’s house in Canada, where I would be staying. Everything seemed fine…until a week before my departure date.

That’s when my water broke.

At the time, I was still two months away from my due date. My amniotic sac had ruptured unexpectedly. I was placed on bed rest for a few days in the hope that the leaking would stop but it didn’t. Eventually, I had to undergo an emergency C-section because the baby’s life was at risk. Our baby was taken straight to the NICU, where he remained for a few weeks until he reached 35 weeks of age and was finally cleared by his pediatrician to be discharged from the hospital.

It was a deeply challenging period for me…physically, mentally, and emotionally but I truly believe Allah answered my prayers. Of course, I didn’t pray to deliver a premature baby. I didn’t ask for an emergency C-section, but even with the way everything unfolded, I wholeheartedly trust that it was still the best outcome for us.

Imagine if I had gone into labor mid-flight. Or if I had made it safely to Canada, only to still go into preterm labor and then face the heavy medical bills for the several weeks he would spend in the NICU, compared to what we spent back home.

Allah is truly the Greatest.

Sometimes, you may pray Istikhara and make the decision that seems best from every angle; logically, financially, emotionally, even spiritually, and yet the outcome may still look different from what you imagined. But trust that even then, that outcome was what was best for you.

Even if it came with pain.
Even if it tested your patience.
Even if you had to wait longer than you hoped.

Because Allah sees what we cannot and He never withholds what is meant to benefit you.

Instead, Allah kept me exactly where I needed to be.

I was surrounded by my older two children, and I didn’t have to endure the heartbreak of being separated from them. I had the comfort of home and the unwavering support of my family during those difficult weeks of healing and recovery, and in the midst of all the chaos, Allah provided abundantly.

He opened doors I didn’t even know existed. He sent provisions in forms I hadn’t asked for. I received so much rizq both tangible and intangible that I’m certain would not have reached me had I gone to Canada. The blessings were countless, and they served as gentle, undeniable reminders that His plan is always better, even when it doesn’t look like what we hoped for.

Something I didn’t mention earlier but feel is incredibly important to note is once you’ve prayed Istikhara and arrived at a decision, do not worry or obsess over the steps you take afterward. Don’t let the fear of “what if I get it wrong” paralyze you. Take the steps you feel are best at the time, and trust Allah with the outcome. Even if, in hindsight, those actions turn out not to be “right,” trust that Allah will intervene. He will redirect your steps, or bring about an undeniable event to guide you back to what’s best.

Just reflect on the example of my third son’s birth. After praying Istikhara, my husband and I had made the decision to travel to Canada. It felt logical, well thought-out and the right thing to do at the time. We acted on that decision. We bought the flight tickets, ordered for the baby’s things to be delivered to our address in Canada, made all the plans… and then, when the time came, Allah intervened.

My water broke two months early. I couldn’t travel. The path closed. And in that moment, my istikhara was answered, my decision crystalized not because I planned it perfectly, but because Allah, in His perfect mercy and timing, redirected me.

So please, don’t stress about the steps that come after the decision. First, make peace with the choice. Then, proceed with the necessary actions that comes with the decision and trust that everything that follows, even the detours, even the delays is unfolding exactly as it’s meant to.

You may not understand it now, but one day you will. And when that day comes, you’ll say Alhamdulilah not just for the outcome, but for every twist and turn it took to get there.

Trust your Rabb, He sees what you do not. He hears what you cannot say. And He will guide you beautifully and undeniably if you let Him.

The final example I’ll share of how an Istikhara prayer was answered in my life involves one of my domestic staff members.

She had worked as my housekeeper for a short period before I travelled to Canada to give birth to my second child Nuaym. While I was away, I received the unexpected news that our nanny had to leave due to the passing of her father. I was in a difficult situation…I was far from home, trying to heal and care for a newborn while also needing someone I could trust to look after Ayman.

Alhamdulillah, my mum was around at the time and stepped in to help oversee things, which was a huge relief. Still, I knew I needed to find a replacement quickly. I reached out to my housekeeper and asked if she would be interested in transitioning into the nanny role, while I hired someone else to manage the housework. She agreed. At the time, it felt like the most logical and convenient decision. I already knew her, she was familiar with our routines, and I’ve never been one to hand over my children to strangers. Choosing someone I knew, someone who had been in our home, seemed safer than starting afresh with someone completely new in my absence.

But everything changed after I returned home.

With time and closer observation, her true character began to show, and it became painfully clear that she was not fit for the role at all. I was heartbroken by some of the things I discovered. I communicated openly with her and gave her multiple chances to change, hoping the situation would improve, but it only got worse. Different incidents occurred, each one more discouraging than the last and eventually, I found myself emotionally exhausted. She’s the only domestic staff I’ve ever employed who brought me to tears, on more than one occasion. I felt stuck. Trapped, even.

You know that saying, “the devil you know is better than the angel you don’t”?  That’s how I felt. Everyone I consulted family, friends, people I trusted advised me to just manage the situation. “It’s hard to find good help these days,” they all said. “Be patient.”

More and more kept unfolding that affirmed what I already knew in my heart: she had to go. The only question was when, and how soon I could find a suitable replacement.

I explored every possible avenue. I spoke to multiple agents and interviewed countless candidates, often paying exorbitant fees just to get to the interview stage. I tried professional agencies with staff who wore uniforms. I reached out to family contacts. I followed up on trusted, word-of-mouth recommendations. I even contacted my very first domestic staff, someone who had worked with me for over two years and whom I adored. We still have a beautiful relationship till today.

I asked her if she could help me find someone just like her, and she confidently vouched for one girl who was ready to work. I felt relieved. I trusted her judgment, and it seemed like a perfect match and that my prayers were finally answered.

But when the time came for the new girl to arrive….she vanished. No calls. No texts. No explanations. Even my former staff was shocked and kept apologizing but I told her, “It’s okay.” Because in my heart, I knew it was Allah answering my Istikhara. I kid you not every time I prayed Istikhara about a seemingly good candidate, something unexpected would happen that completely blocked the path. Each time, it was something random, even ridiculous but each time, I recognized it for what it was: divine redirection.

I stayed patient for as long as I could, until I reached a point where I feared the situation might turn toxic and I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to become someone’s test, nor did I want to fail a test myself.

I could feel it: I was approaching a place where it would become difficult to extend kindness, to interact with her with the consciousness of Allah, or even to remain civil. I know who I am, and I refused to let Shaytan or anyone pull me into becoming a version of myself I wouldn’t recognize or be proud of. I was deeply unhappy.

Out of respect and obedience to Allah, I won’t go into the details of what happened. It involves another person, and in Islam, backbiting is not allowed even when what you say is true. Only my husband, my mum, and my sister knew the full story, as I needed their counsel.

I turned to Allah in tears.

I’m not perfect, but I knew in my heart that the kids and I deserved better. And yet, I was stuck in a painful waiting period…hoping for someone better to come along, with no success. I began to wonder: Would I ever find someone better? Was I doomed to endure this unhealthy dynamic for who knows how long?

I had tried my best; I communicated as clearly and respectfully as I could. The few people who knew what I was going through even stepped in to speak to her on my behalf but nothing changed and with a newborn and a toddler in the mix, I desperately needed help. I just didn’t want to lose myself while waiting for it.

Want to hear the funny part of this whole story?

There was this one agent I knew, someone who had provided nannies and housekeepers to several people I knew, including myself. And in almost every case, things ended badly. Many of her so-called “trained workers” came from the same place, and after learning about some of the incidents that took place, I told myself out loud and in full conviction that I would never use her again.

Never say never guys.

Desperation changes things. Out of sheer necessity, I had a family member reach out to her on my behalf to ask if she had anyone available and as it turned out, a girl had just expressed interest in the job…literally just a few days before. We communicated our expectations clearly, and we were told she met the standards.

I prayed Istikhara about her too. And subhanAllah, this time, none of the usual strange obstacles or red flags happened. Everything was smooth. Everything aligned and let me tell you, I have peace of mind. Real peace. I’m not just content, I’m grateful. Truly and deeply grateful.

No one is perfect, but this girl is everything I could have prayed for and more. Allah didn’t just answer my prayer, He honored it. He guided me to her by blocking all the others. He made me wait through all those disappointments just so I could find her; when she was finally ready to work. If I had tried to hire her a month earlier, even five months earlier, she wouldn’t have been available. Allah was preparing her for me, just as He was preparing me to receive her.

She loves my children and treats them like her own little brothers and they love her right back. She’s become part of our family and I don’t say that lightly.

Now, are you ready for the cherry on top?

She actually worked for my sister-in-law once. We never met during that time, and she didn’t stay long in that house but still, what are the odds? SubhanAllah, it reminded me of two important things:

First, the world is incredibly small, and we must be mindful of how we treat others because our paths may cross again when we least expect it.

Second, not everyone is meant for everyone. One person’s “no” could be someone else’s answered dua. Just because it didn’t work somewhere else doesn’t mean it won’t work for you.

There are many more powerful examples of how Istikhara has shaped and protected my life, stories that are deeply personal and, out of respect for others involved, not mine to share publicly.

The reason I’ve opened my heart and shared these glimpses with you is simple: whenever you are faced with a major life decision, please, please, please pray Istikhara. Take just 5 to 10 minutes to connect with Allah. I promise you, you won’t regret it, no matter the outcome.

Yes, things might still go “wrong” in the way we humans define it (just like in the example of my third delivery), but trust me what feels “wrong” may still be the best possible outcome for you because Allah sees what we cannot.

It’s narrated that the Prophet ﷺ used to teach the sahaba the istikhara for each and every matter as he used to teach the sahaba surahs from the Holy Qur’an [Sahih al-Bukhari #6382]. That’s how integrated it was into their daily lives.

So….how do you pray istikhara?

All you need to do is begin with wudhu (ablution), then make a sincere intention in your heart to perform Salatul Istikhara. After that, pray two units (rak’ahs) of voluntary (non-obligatory) prayer, not connected to any of the five daily fard prayers. Once you’ve completed the prayer and said the tasleem (final salutation), recite the Istikhara du’a, either in Arabic or in a language you understand deeply and can connect with from the heart.

Istikhara du’a in Arabic:

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْتَخِيرُكَ بِعِلْمِكَ وَأَسْتَقْدِرُكَ بِقُدْرَتِكَ، وَأَسْأَلُكَ مِنْ فَضْلِكَ الْعَظِيمِ، فَإِنَّكَ تَقْدِرُ وَلاَ أَقْدِرُ وَتَعْلَمُ وَلاَ أَعْلَمُ وَأَنْتَ عَلاَّمُ الْغُيُوبِ اللَّهُمَّ إِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الأَمْرَ خَيْرٌ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي فَاقْدُرْهُ لِي وَيَسِّرْهُ لِي ثُمَّ بَارِكْ لِي فِيهِ وَإِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الأَمْرَ شَرٌّ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي فَاصْرِفْهُ عَنِّي وَاصْرِفْنِي عَنْهُ، وَاقْدُرْ لِي الْخَيْرَ حَيْثُ كَانَ ثُمَّ أَرْضِنِي بِهِ

Transliteration of the du’a of istikhara:

Allahumma innee astakheeruka bi ‘ilmika wa astaqdiruka bi qadratika wa as’aluka min fadlika al-’adheem fa innaka taqdiru wa la aqdiru wa ta’lamu wa la a’lamu wa anta ‘allaam ul-ghuyoob. Allahumma in kunta ta’lamu anna haadha al-amra khayrun lee fee deenee wa ma’aashee wa ‘aaqibati amree faqdurhu lee wa yassirhu lee thumma baarik lee feehi wa in kunta ta’lamu anna haadha al-amara sharrun lee fee deenee wa ma’aashee wa ‘aaqibati amree fasrifhu ‘annee wasrifnee ‘anhu waqdur lee al-khayra haythu kaana thumma ardinee bih

Translation of the du’a of istikhara:

O Allah, I seek Your guidance (in making a choice) by virtue of Your knowledge, and I seek ability by virtue of Your power, and I ask You of Your great bounty. You have power, and I do not. You know, and I know not, and You are the Knower of the unseen. O Allah, if You know that this matter [mention the thing to be decided] is good for me in my religion, my livelihood, my worldly affairs, and in the hereafter then decree it for me, make it easy for me, and bless it for me. And if You know that this matter is bad for me in my religion, my livelihood, my worldly affairs, and in the hereafter then turn it away from me and turn me away from it, and decree for me the good wherever it may be and make me content with it. [Sahih al-Bukhari #6382]

Alternatively, the istikha prayer is included in my Muslim Daily Prayer Handbook, which you can download[ here] for free as an easy reference guide.

The word Istikhara comes from the Arabic root khayr, which means goodness or that which is beneficial. It’s a powerful reminder that this prayer is, at its essence, a way of seeking what is best for us in the sight of Allah even if we can’t see it ourselves.

What amazes me, however, is how often Muslims limit this prayer to just one aspect of life: marriage. While it’s undoubtedly important in that context, Salatul Istikhara was never meant to be reserved for one-off major decisions. It’s a gift we’ve been given to guide us through every chapter of life.

We should be turning to Allah for clarity in all the decisions that shape our lives, both big and small.
Questions like:

• What elective subjects or modules should I take in school?
• Which career path is best for me?
• Should I launch this business?
• Should I partner with or invest in this business?
• Which city or country should I relocate to?
• Which company or organization should I work for?
• Who should I hire for my business?
• Which school should I enroll my kids in?
• Where should we travel for our summer holiday?
• Which hospital or doctor should I choose for this treatment?
• Should you stay in a friendship or distance yourself from someone or a friendship group?
• Should you stay in or walk away from a marriage?

The list is endless. Truly.

And I wholeheartedly believe: if you put Allah first by sincerely consulting Him before making your decisions, you will always land on what’s best for you even if it doesn’t look like it right away.

Now, before I wrap up, I want to address a few major misconceptions about Istikhara that I’ve observed, particularly from my own journey and from the questions people have asked me. Let me be clear: I’m not a scholar or a religious authority but as someone who has made Istikhara a regular part of their life, I’ve noticed patterns and misunderstandings that I believe are worth clarifying.

The first one?

Istikhara and Istishara go hand in hand. You can’t do one and completely ignore the other.

Istikhara is the prayer we make seeking guidance from Allah ﷻ, while Istishara is the practice of seeking advice from knowledgeable and trustworthy people. Both are essential. One connects you to Divine wisdom, the other to informed human insight and together, they help you arrive at a decision that is both well-informed and blessed.

Take this example: you’ve just graduated from high school and received acceptance letters from several top universities, but you’re unsure which to choose. Istikhara is turning to Allah and asking Him to guide you toward what is ultimately best for you in this life and the next. Istishara, on the other hand, means reaching out to students who have already attended those universities, ideally those from your intended faculty or department. These are the people who’ve walked the path you’re considering, and they can offer valuable, experience-based insight that data and brochures won’t give you.

The same principle applies to job opportunities. You pray Istikhara, but you also talk to professionals in the field. Find out which companies offer real growth, a healthy work culture, and values that align with yours. Speak to current or former employees. Get the facts. Be intentional.

Thinking of making hijrah to another country? Pray Istikhara but also speak to Muslims who live there, especially those whose backgrounds are similar to yours. A white Muslim’s experience might differ from that of a Black Muslim. A born Muslim might face different challenges compared to a revert. Try to gain as much tailored insight as you can. This is not being paranoid, it’s being wise.

And of course, if you’re considering marriage, pray Istikhara for Allah’s guidance, but also do your due diligence. Ask about the individual. Speak to people who truly know them, their colleagues, close friends, neighbors, and mentors. And don’t forget: you’re not just marrying a person, you’re also marrying into their family. Investigate both with kindness, care, and discernment. I cannot stress this enough.

Another common misconception about Istikhara is the belief that you must receive a divine sign. Some people expect a vivid dream, a dramatic moment of clarity, or some unmistakable indicator of what to do next. But the truth is, there’s nothing in the Qur’an or authentic Hadith that states you will receive a dream or a clear-cut sign after praying Istikhara.

Yes, it’s entirely possible to see a dream, and if you do, Alhamdulillah. But it’s not a requirement, nor is it the primary way the answer is revealed. Sometimes, dreams are just reflections of what’s been on your mind. I say this from experience. For instance, when I dreamt that I misplaced my passport and couldn’t travel to Canada, I didn’t assign too much meaning to it. Why? Because deep down, I already didn’t want to go.. That dream could have easily been my subconscious echoing my inner fears and desires.

If the dream truly was a sign from Allah? Allahu A‘lam (Allah knows best). But we must be cautious. The reality is, you and I are not Prophet Yusuf (عليه السلام), who was divinely gifted in dream interpretation. Most of us are not trained or qualified to decode the meanings of dreams, and misinterpretation can easily lead us astray.

According to the Sunnah, there are three types of dreams:

Dreams from Allah, which carry meaning and glad tidings.

Dreams from our nafs (self), often just a replay of our thoughts, emotions, or anxieties.

Dreams from Shaytan, which are confusing or disturbing.

[Sahih Muslim #2263]

So while it’s tempting to look for signs, Istikhara is more about placing your trust in Allah, making a sound decision using all the means available to you, and then moving forward with tawakkul (reliance on Him), whether you receive a dream or not.

Another common misconception is the belief that your heart must be completely neutral when praying Istikhara, that you shouldn’t be leaning toward any particular option when praying. Speaking from experience, that’s simply not true and more importantly, neither the Qur’an nor any Hadith specified this kind of emotional detachment.

Let’s be real: most of the time, your heart will be inclined toward one decision. That’s often the very reason you’re praying Istikhara to seek divine clarity and assurance about the choice your heart is already leaning toward. And the beauty of the Istikhara prayer is that it accommodates that inclination. You do make a choice in your mind, and you ask Allah: if it is good for me in my Deen, my life, and my afterlife, then make it easy and bless it for me. But if it is bad for me, then turn it away from me and turn me away from it, and decree what is better and make me pleased with it. It’s a powerful, humble, and comprehensive dua. It doesn’t require you to silence your emotions or suppress your desires, it simply requires you to submit them to Allah’s perfect wisdom.

The last and perhaps most widespread misconception about Istikhara is the belief that it acts as a complete shield against anything painful or difficult resulting from your decision. But life isn’t Jannah, this world was never meant to be perfect, and even if you pray Istikhara sincerely, you may still experience hurt, loss, or heartbreak along the way.

I’ve come across people who say things like, “But I prayed Istikhara before marrying him how did I still end up divorced?” And to that, I want to share a beautiful and deeply insightful story that Sheikh Yasir Qadhi once shared in one of his talks on Youtube. A woman approached him, heartbroken over her divorce after five years of marriage. She explained that both she and her husband had prayed Istikhara before getting married, and now she was questioning what went wrong. She had children from that marriage, and Sheikh Yasir gently asked her: “Would you rather never have married him at all and never have had your beautiful children? Or are you grateful that, even if the marriage didn’t last, Allah gave you these precious souls through that union?” Without hesitation, she replied, “Of course I’d choose my children. They mean the world to me.” And Sheikh Yasir said, “There’s your Istikhara right there.”

Sometimes, the blessings we receive from a decision aren’t always what we imagined they would be. Istikhara doesn’t promise a life free of pain. It promises that the path you choose if you truly seek Allah’s guidance will be the best one for you in the bigger picture, even if parts of it hurt. If Istikhara guaranteed a life of only ease, then every single person would pray it before every decision, and no one would ever face hardship again, but this life isn’t designed that way. This world is a place of trials, of growth, of ebb and flow. The goal isn’t to avoid pain completely, but to ensure that what you go through has meaning, mercy, and divine wisdom stitched into every part of it and with Istikhara, you can trust that it does.

Even if someone gets married and later divorces without the union resulting in children, it may still have been what was best for both of them. Sometimes, Allah allows two people to come together so they can learn something vital, something they wouldn’t have understood or experienced otherwise. That lesson may be necessary for their future growth, either in this world, the Hereafter, or both.

My dear brothers and sisters, I’m writing this to remind you of the immense value and power of this prayer. Whenever you pray Istikhara, please don’t forget to also practice Istishara; consultation. Take your time. Don’t rush into major decisions. Seek the information you need, speak to trusted people, and reflect deeply and once you’ve gathered what’s necessary and made your decision, place your full trust in Allah. Believe, wholeheartedly, that He has guided you to what is best for you, regardless of how things unfold. There is always goodness in the path He chooses, sometimes immediate, sometimes revealed only in time.

If you’re currently at a crossroads unsure of what decision to make or if you’ve already prayed Istikhara and still feel uncertain, I want you to try this: take a piece of paper and write out everything you’re thinking and feeling. Pour it all out. Note why your heart leans toward one option over the other. Then write down what’s holding you back, what fears or doubts are clouding your mind. Writing can be such a powerful outlet it helps you step outside your emotions and see things more clearly.

If writing isn’t your thing, speak instead. Record two separate voice notes, one for each option and just talk. Let your thoughts flow freely. Once you’ve emptied your heart and mind, go make wudhu. Take out your prayer mat and turn to your Lord. Pray Salatul Istikhara with sincerity and trust.

In the days and weeks that follow, live your life as normally as you can. Try not to dwell too much on the matter. Instead, quietly check in with your heart. Observe any shifts in your feelings or clarity in your thoughts. First, reflect on where you stand without the influence of others. Then, when you’re ready, consult people you trust deeply, those who genuinely want the best for you, who carry no hidden agenda, and who will offer sincere naseeha (advice). Also, speak to those with knowledge or expertise on the matter to gain practical insight and perspective.

Once you feel like you have an answer, revisit what you wrote or recorded earlier. Compare it with your current state of mind. Has your view changed? Does your heart feel settled in a particular direction? If your original inclination still stands, and you feel ready to move forward, then proceed with trust in Allah. If your position has changed, and you now feel drawn to the other option, then follow through with confidence. Either way, once you’ve made your decision, hand the matter over to Allah and let Him take the wheel.

If turbulence arises along the way, don’t assume it was the wrong decision. Trust that in His infinite wisdom, this too is what’s best for you. Avoid falling into the trap of “what ifs” or “I wish…” these are whispers from Shaytan. Take comfort in knowing that you did your best with the knowledge, resources, and guidance available to you. None of us have control over the future or our fate but we do have control over our trust in the One who does.

May Allah ease your worries and replace them with His sakīnah (divine tranquility), yaqīn (certainty), and boundless love. If you feel lost or powerless, may He strengthen your heart, uplift your spirit, and grant you clarity in your confusion. Remember, Allah parted the sea for Prophet Musa (‘alayhi-s-salām) when there seemed to be no way forward. He will surely open a way out for you too, from whatever hardship or crossroads you may be standing at.

Whatever it is that weighs on your heart right now, be it a decision, a delay, a disappointment, or a deep desire, place it gently in the Hands of the One who never turns away His servants. And as you pray, trust this: the very act of turning to Allah is already a sign that He is near. You are not alone. Your prayers are never wasted. Your tears are never unseen.

I pray you experience the beauty of istikhārah the way I have and more, and may every decision you make big or small be wrapped in divine wisdom and lead you closer to what is khayr (good) for both your dunya and ākhirah. Amin.

Until next time In Sha Allah,

Ma Salam